Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
