A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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