Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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