he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
