Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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