Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
