I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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