nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
