dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
