Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
