So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
