What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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