i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
