If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
