I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
