it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Green mimosas i think yes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
