Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
