She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
