Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
