epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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