There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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