so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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