Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
