none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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