whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
