I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
