Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
