She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
