I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
