you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
