Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
