I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
