he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
MIDGETS
????
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
