If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
