she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
