i think i have two assholes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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