Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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