I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
