He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
