My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
