I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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