Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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