Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
