I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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