I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
