hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
