New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are the jesus of drinking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
