he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
