the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
