It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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