I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
