Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
