My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
