his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
