Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
